How To Build More Meaningful Connections
Free Yourself from the Pressure of Networking
As human beings it is our biggest need to be understood. We seek to interact, to learn, to share knowledge and to build meaningful relationships. By instinct we are designed to connect.
Unlike the lonesome moose lost in the woods, we are not solitary beings. For us solitary confinement is one of the most severe forms of punishment.
So why then for so many of us does the thought of connecting with strangers otherwise called networking intimidate us? Why is it so foreign to put ourselves out there?
Is there a false pressure attached to “networking”?
According to Investopedia, “Networking is the exchange of information and ideas among people with a common profession or special interest, usually in an informal social setting.”
So then aren’t we as humans always networking? The people we run into on the street are in the same city, the call operator we talk to shares knowledge about a mutually known service and our pilates instructor shares a passion for fitness. Most people we interact with tend to share something in common with us no matter how obscure or insignificant it might be.
So then maybe we need to change the paradigm on how we approach building and nurturing relationships in our lives. We need to alleviate the pressure of networking and connect with more candor and ease.
These 5 principles will help you build connections that last and have a positive impact on your life.
1. Be Authentically You
Remember the time you were at a networking event being someone else other than you to pitch yourself to a recruiter or schmooze with a managing director? It’s frustrating and fake. It’s what puts the pressure on the interaction. Granted that getting a job is a formal situation but say you stepped back and tried to be just you? Remember the other person is also a human and could shares the same interests. Try to approach them on an emotional level. Ask them about their experiences or why they went to pursue this career path.
The moment you connect with someone on the premise of acting like someone that you are not, your relationship will automatically be contrived. Learn to focus on keeping up with yourself not with appearances.
When you try so hard to be perfect or focus on everything you want to say you are removing the source of natural fluidity. Trust your inner instinct. If without trying at all you can grab someone’s attention, that will be a pure connection.
At the end of the day, you want people to connect with you for who you are not who you might pretend to be.
2. Be Aware of Your Surroundings
I was recently in yoga class when I noticed a beginner next to me struggling in every pose. After the class ended, I offered to help her navigate the schedule for classes she might be more suited to. She was so grateful and we ended up having a conversation as we walked down the road in the same direction. Turns out, she works for the UN. I have a particular interest in the UN’s Sustainable Development Goals (SDGs) —global goals to solve the world’s most pressing issues. So there she was offering me an opportunity to learn!
Just by being aware I noticed a small way to help someone. And in turn, it became an avenue for me to grow. You never know who’s next to you wherever you go. Adopt an open mindset. It’s not always networking. Its just being human. The universe is always working it’s magic.
Networking is not confined to a dedicated space and time. It could be running into someone on the train, at a coffee shop or even on the yoga mat next to you.
3. Learn to Let Go
It can be tempting to have a strong opinion or argument against what someone tells you. It’s important not to contest everything you don’t agree with. Sometimes it’s simply not worth it. Stick to the facts. Avoid talking about politics or religion.
When you can learn to listen and remain neutral, you’re officially letting go of your ego and your need to be right. We cannot foster meaningful relationships if we are not aware of our own humanity and our vulnerability to be wrong at times.
4. Focus On What You Can Give
Very often we build relationships or attend networking events when we want a job, another favour or just out of need.
Why not instead seek to build relationships when you know you can help? Why not be the one to step in?
I have found the most meaningful relationships I have built are often when I have reached out to assist. It could be as simple as helping a colleague navigate a work system, sending some articles of interest to someone you talked with or connecting two people who could benefit from knowing each other. Don’t always wait to be asked, think of ways you can help others. It could be so simple yet so impactful to them.
5. Keep Your Expectations Low
And as you learn to be a giver, don’t expect in return. Sometimes you may receive more in return other times they may not be in a position to “payback.” Always do what you can and then forget about it. Keeping a score will never help any relationship. Be genuine and do what you believe is right. Don’t fall short of your own expectations for yourself just to match up to others.
If you attended all networking events with no expectations of anyone, you’d be sure to have more meaningful connections, more fun and less contrived conversations.
When you follow these 5 principles, you’ll realize how a subtle shift in the way you build relationships can have such meaningful impact. The reality is that you will never have enough time to interact with everyone you would like to meet. So then why not focus on building meaningful relationships with those you do?
