The key ingredient to achieving your dreams and how to build more of it.
Ever feel like you’re not getting to where you always dreamt of being?
Feeling stuck?
Not making the progress you want in your career?
Of course it is a given that you are working hard, building relationships, attending networking events, showcasing your work and doing everything else that it takes to be successful. However, the one reason it is not working out to be the way you want is likely because of this one thing: your level of self-confidence. Either you lack it or don’t have enough of it. And this my friends is what is really holding you back. Not your intelligence, personality, style or anything else.
So what exactly is self confidence? A quick google search yields this answer from Wikipedia: “The concept of self-confidence is commonly used as self-assurance in one’s personal judgment, ability, power, etc. One’s self confidence increases from experiences of having mastered particular activities.[1] It is a positive[2] belief that in the future one can generally accomplish what one wishes to do.”
Seems pretty straight forward right? It is a confidence that you as an individual can achieve some goal, mission, challenge etc. in the future based on your abilities. Self-esteem is purely the value we attribute to ourselves, which though a sister concept is a bit different. Self-confidence is more about self-belief. So then why is this concept so important to achieving your dreams and being successful?
The reality of achieving success is that it is full of ups and downs, twists and turns, smiles and tears and to get through all this requires a lot of resilience. Resilience to believe that you can keep going.
That your idea is what the world needs.
That your mind and body will complete that marathon.
Success is not about always being on the top but following through with every step it takes to achieve the final outcome. And many of those steps will lead to failure.
Hard work is a given and we all give it our best day in day out but some days it doesn’t yield the results we want. We run 10 miles and give it our best but don’t get the time we want. Or we put in all our effort to a presentation, which our audience doesn’t resonate with. What do we do in those instances? That is when self-belief will keep you going. It will give you the courage you need to seek out new opportunities and reach new horizons. It is that mindset that will yield success not just hard work alone.
So then how do we build our self-confidence and be better believers in our abilities?
Focus on Action not Achievement
Action = doing an act
Achievement = doing something successfully
Notice the difference. Acting is taking steps, regardless of the outcome. Achievement is getting it done successfully. The reason I emphasize action is because you are 100% in control of doing things to get to where you want to be. You can’t always guarantee the results but you can put in the work and effort to get there. This is important. By focusing on each step you take you will believe in your abilities to get to the bigger goal at hand — the achievement, which in many instances can take years. If you exclusively focus on the results, you will feel demoralized because of the time it takes to get there. Let me explain.
I was recently at a talk by an Olympian and she talked about the trials and tribulations of training for the Olympics. One year you can win a medal and the next year you may not even qualify to compete. The pressure to perform is so high that these highs and lows can be hard to steer. The reality is nobody lives at the top all the time. Not even an Olympian who we put on a pedestal and treat as superhuman. At their level of performance to constantly win Gold is perfection, which for any human is difficult to constantly achieve. So to keep going, self-belief is critical. By focusing on the action of training everyday, putting in the hours, showing up and taking action, they can train their minds to believe they can do it. It is not only about winning the medal. For many professional athletes it takes years before they can win in the way they envision, whether that be a medal, championship or coveted black belt. If winning was all that they needed to believe in themselves, they would never have the stamina to get there and win in the first place. The countless hours of practice, falling down, getting up and trying again. Every small improvement, one increment at a time. It is these actions that count. And there are no excuses to act. Act now. Act fast.
“A bird sitting on a tree is never afraid of the branch breaking, because her trust is not on the branch but on it’s own wings. Believe in yourself” — Unknown
Embrace Fear — do things you’re scared to do
“If you’re not prepared to be wrong, you will never come up with anything original” — Sir Ken Robinson
Being afraid is a natural emotion to some sort of fear of messing it up or not living up to expectations. If you have ambitious goals, it can feel intimidating to take on the bold steps to get to the outcome. Doing scary things reaffirms our belief in ourself. It automatically turns self-doubt into self-belief. In the last few years I have been involved in two car accidents. It both instances it was the other vehicles’ fault and I was not in the driver’s seat. That being said, it naturally shook me up about driving on the aggressive roads in a big metropolitan city. However, living with that fear would serve me no purpose. It would mean I choose to live by circumstances that I cannot control in the first place. Instead, every time I take the car out to drive I reaffirm my belief in myself to drive anywhere I need to and to not worry about other drivers, who are anyway and will always be out of my control.
Commit to yourself
Committing to yourself is showing up for yourself the same way you do for others. Sticking to your word. Doing what is best for you. Listening to your body. This means self care and building routines and habits that serve you well. For example, if you know that waking up an hour earlier each day will give you the time and space you need to meditate, read and start your day on a strong note, build a habit of doing that. And no, not finding excuses for days you just can’t do it. Start with a 30 day challenge and don’t break that promise to yourself. The same way you wouldn’t hold up a friend if you committed to meeting her for dinner. Show up. Every damn day. Till you form a habit. That being said self care also means doing what is right for you by listening to what your body needs. If you need rest, take rest, if you need a holiday, take a holiday. To achieve our dreams we need to present the world with the best version of ourselves. By always staying true to yourself, you are letting your subconscious know that you can be trusted and that will in turn build belief in yourself. It will strengthen your mental muscle.
“Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will”
— Suzy Kassem
On that note, act more, fail more and live more. You have nothing to loose. And you might just build more self-confidence in the process.
